Page 1: Coastal

Monday February 24th marks the first  day of another chapter.

Marks 10 months since I embarked from Brisbane International Airport.

I am currently looking outside the 49th window on aisle 50 of the coastal AmTrack train from Oxnard to San Diego. A beautiful train ride looking over the ocean. I've done this train ride 4 times in the past 10 months but there is something about today that stands out...

 Maybe because it feels like the sun is shining extra today. 

The waves are crashing and kissing the shore so gently.

Tis a pretty day

Don't mind the smudges on the window my forehead is the culprit 

Today marks the first day of my next voyage. 

The past month I have settled down being a Nanny in Oxnard California - a few hours north of LA. For me to be in one place for more than 3 days is surreal. 30 days was getting to the point that it was unbearable. I got into a routine and it really started to freak me out. I had security. It was easy. I had a bed, I had my own room. 3 meals a day.

The house I was 'The Nanny'

It's strange because when I'm on the road I am in awe of the people that are driving their cars past me as I sit in the back of a public bus. When I'm walking past a fine dining restaurant I am in awe of the ladies & gents stuffing their faces with fresh snow crab and sculling it down with some champagne.

But when it comes down to it,

 I don't need that.

 I don't want it.

[I could actually go for some Snow Crab right now]

I hate security but I want security when I have security I don't want it.Life is funny isn't it...

Money cant buy happiness?

How I see it personally is that I need money to do this, but if I was staying at a hotel every single night and had a rental car and blew $50 a night at a restaurant.

I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now.

I'm so content with paying zero money on accommodation and taking buses and doing everything for as cheap as I can.

This is raw, this is real. These emotions aren't defined by materialistic shit.Don't get me wrong I like materialistic shit. My Mother & I are some of the biggest shoppers you'll come across. I love new clothes, I love new makeup. 

I'm a female I like to have my nails painted.

But I can store away everything and define my life and fold it up in a backpack. I went 6 months without one speck of makeup touching my skin. I've had so much dirt & grime in my nails when camping that it looked like my nails were actually painted black.

I'm a pretty diverse specimen aren't I,

Living the best of both worlds?

 As much as you try to run and hide from it,

at the end of the day you are the only person who can change your life.

Constantly I'm seeing girls post about how it's going to be a new them after they loose that 10 extra kg.Look I've had my fair amount of weight problems, I've starved myself and I've been over weight. I've gained and I've lost. Yes loosing weight and being healthy is fantastic. You feel great about yourself.

Still doesn't change who YOU are.

You are still going to be the same person, just smaller? 

You can fit into a smaller dress size... good for you - doesn't make you a good person.You will get a few extra likes on your Instagram photos... a few new inboxes from boys that once never spoke to you.. maybe even from the ones that defined you by your weight.

Hmmm.. 

I once didn't eat for 21 days straight because I did a 'water fast' why!? Because I wanted to loose weight. A fresh start.... haha yeah right. You know what I have from that 'fresh start' a incredibly slow metabolism that punishes me daily. I have to work a thousand times harder then I once did to maintain myself. I have to be so careful with what I eat and exercise.

The point I am trying to make is if you try and take the easy way out of anything it's going to bite back... twice as hard.I'm not saying to let go of your self. But stop defining each other by how each other look, 

if you loose that weight, get some extensions, get fake nails, makeup professionally done at MAC.You are still the same person just hiding. 

Trying to camouflage into societies incredibly high expectations.

It's so cliche to say appearance doesn't mean a lot. 

Because I've judged people. Everyone judges. I use to judge people by split ends or if their clothes were in season. 

Just the cliche typical crap. 

I find myself not doing that, every outfit, every person I'll find the positive. 

Why should I care how someone looks? If someone wants to wear a Grandma knitted Christmas sweater in summer they can wear that. Not affecting me. I will think they are super human for wearing that in the heat but go ahead and wear it buddy, next time bring the eggnog.

Some times it freaks me out on how different I am as a person. 

Andy 10 months ago would never say something like that.

My train stop is next 

I'll write to you guys tomorrow